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Joke Corner
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daib0 Offline
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Posts: 5,406
Joined: Mar 2012
Post: #1576
RE: Joke Corner
The Irish government has advised local councils to save money on lollipop men and women by moving all the schools over to the other side of the road...
29-03-2018 08:14
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daib0 Offline
Interforum Gamemaster!

Posts: 5,406
Joined: Mar 2012
Post: #1577
RE: Joke Corner
A rabbit walks into a pub and says to the barman,
'Can I have a pint of beer, and a Ham and Cheese Toastie?'

The barman is amazed, but gives the rabbit a pint of beer and a ham and cheese toastie.

The rabbit drinks the beer and eats the toastie. He then leaves.

The following night the rabbit returns and again asks for a pint of beer, and a Ham and Cheese Toastie.

The barman, now intrigued by the rabbit and the extra drinkers in the pub, (because word gets round), gives the rabbit the pint and the Toastie. The rabbit consumes them and leaves.

The next night, the pub is packed.

In walks the rabbit and says, 'A pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie, please barman.'

The crowd is hushed as the barman gives the rabbit his pint and toastie, and then burst into applause as the rabbit wolfs them down.

The next night there is standing room only in the pub.

Coaches have been laid on for the crowds of patrons attending.

The barman is making more money in one week than he did all last year

In walks the rabbit and says, 'A pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie, please barman.'

The barman says, 'I'm sorry rabbit, old mate, old mucker, but we are right out of them Ham and Cheese Toasties.'

The rabbit looks aghast.

The crowd has quietened to almost a whisper, when the barman clears his throat nervously and says,
'We do have a very nice Cheese and Onion Toastie.

The rabbit looks him in the eye and says, 'Are you sure I will like it?.'

The crowd's bated breath is ear shatteringly silent.

The barman, with a roguish smile says, 'Do you think that I would let down one of my best friends. I know you'll love it.'

'Ok,' says the rabbit, 'I'll have a pint of beer and a Cheese and Onion Toastie.'

The pub erupts with glee as the rabbit quaffs the beer and guzzles the toastie.

He then waves to the crowd and leaves....

NEVER TO RETURN!!!!!!

One year later, in the now impoverished public house, the barman, (who has only served 4 drinks tonight, 3 of which were his), calls time.

When he is cleaning down the now empty bar, he sees a small white form, floating above the bar.

The barman says, 'Who are you?

To which he is answered,
'I am the ghost of the rabbit that used to frequent your public house.'

The barman says, 'I remember you. You made me famous.

You would come in every night and have a pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie. Masses came to see you and this place was famous.'

The rabbit says, 'Yes I know.'

The barman said, 'I remember, on your last night we didn't have any Ham and Cheese Toasties. You had a Cheese and Onion one instead.'

The rabbit said, 'Yes, you promised me that I would love it.'

The barman said, 'You never came back, what happened?'

'I DIED', said the rabbit.

'NO!' said the barman. 'What from?'

After a short pause, the rabbit said ...

'Mixin-me-toasties'
01-04-2018 19:27
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thetruth1953 Offline
Registered User

Posts: 3,214
Joined: Jul 2014
Post: #1578
RE: Joke Corner
Very good daib0.
01-04-2018 19:29
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GynnSquarePhoenix Online
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Posts: 17,203
Joined: Mar 2012
Post: #1579
RE: Joke Corner
groaned and smiled ... Happy Easter fiddle boy.
01-04-2018 21:37
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GynnSquarePhoenix Online
Moderator

Posts: 17,203
Joined: Mar 2012
Post: #1580
RE: Joke Corner
Husband: Call an ambulance, fast! I am having heart attack!

Wife (Took his mobile): Quick! Tell me the password!

Husband: It's ok! I'm feeling better now!
02-04-2018 22:25
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Bally Offline
1 = 20

Posts: 21,288
Joined: Mar 2012
Post: #1581
RE: Joke Corner
Not seen a Scouser this excited over one leg since Paul McCartney met Heather Mills!!!
05-04-2018 20:35
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Qblock87 Offline
69

Posts: 23,058
Joined: Jun 2012
Post: #1582
RE: Joke Corner
(05-04-2018 20:35)Bally Wrote:  Not seen a Scouser this excited over one leg since Paul McCartney met Heather Mills!!!

Very good
05-04-2018 21:14
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Bally Offline
1 = 20

Posts: 21,288
Joined: Mar 2012
Post: #1583
RE: Joke Corner
Conor McGregor apologises for vandalising a bus in New York.
He said next time he'll stand outside Anfield like everyone else
06-04-2018 18:28
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Bally Offline
1 = 20

Posts: 21,288
Joined: Mar 2012
Post: #1584
RE: Joke Corner
The wife was getting dressed up for a night out with her mates, walked into the lounge and asked me to rate her.

"8 or 9 at least." I said.

"Out of 10?" she smiled. "Thanks, Babe, I'm flattered."

Didn't have the heart to tell her I meant pints!
12-04-2018 16:51
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TheSuffolkSeasider Offline
Ipswich Exile

Posts: 3,242
Joined: Jul 2015
Post: #1585
RE: Joke Corner
My wife left me for another man on Friday the 13th. I guess it really is unlucky then.



For him.
13-04-2018 15:44
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TheSuffolkSeasider Offline
Ipswich Exile

Posts: 3,242
Joined: Jul 2015
Post: #1586
RE: Joke Corner
I need to re-home a dog. It's a small terrier, and tends to bark a lot. If you're interested, let me know and I'll jump over next door's fence and get it for you.
13-04-2018 15:48
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TheSuffolkSeasider Offline
Ipswich Exile

Posts: 3,242
Joined: Jul 2015
Post: #1587
RE: Joke Corner
Although Jesus was known as a carpenter, he never actually sang on any of their albums.
13-04-2018 15:51
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daib0 Offline
Interforum Gamemaster!

Posts: 5,406
Joined: Mar 2012
Post: #1588
RE: Joke Corner
(12-04-2018 16:51)Bally Wrote:  The wife was getting dressed up for a night out with her mates, walked into the lounge and asked me to rate her.

"8 or 9 at least." I said.

"Out of 10?" she smiled. "Thanks, Babe, I'm flattered."

Didn't have the heart to tell her I meant pints!

not bad!!
13-04-2018 19:27
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daib0 Offline
Interforum Gamemaster!

Posts: 5,406
Joined: Mar 2012
Post: #1589
RE: Joke Corner
The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn't talking to me.,,
14-04-2018 05:27
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TheSuffolkSeasider Offline
Ipswich Exile

Posts: 3,242
Joined: Jul 2015
Post: #1590
RE: Joke Corner
A woman is sitting at her husband’s funeral when A man says to her, “Do you mind if I say a word?”

“No, "go ahead” the woman replies.

The man stands, clears his throat, says “Plethora” and sits back down.

“Thank you” the woman says. “That means a lot”.
20-04-2018 14:16
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