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Joke Corner
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beaks Offline
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Posts: 2,001
Joined: Mar 2012
Post: #31
RE: Joke Corner
Man texts his wife and says `Honey, im just having one more pint and i`ll be home. If im not home in 20 mins,just read this text again`. Biggrin
08-06-2012 21:31
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Qblock87 Offline
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Posts: 22,420
Joined: Jun 2012
Post: #32
RE: Joke Corner
Thank-you. Im in heaven
08-06-2012 21:33
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MR-DD Offline
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Posts: 16,614
Joined: Mar 2012
Post: #33
RE: Joke Corner
Please put all your best ones on here mate
08-06-2012 21:47
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westlancsunsocialclub
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Post: #34
RE: Joke Corner
Best ones? Have you seen them?

Think he has the Crackerjack joke book 1983Biggrin
08-06-2012 21:48
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Qblock87 Offline
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Joined: Jun 2012
Post: #35
RE: Joke Corner
1981. Its Friday its 5to 5
08-06-2012 22:09
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westlancsunsocialclub
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Post: #36
RE: Joke Corner
Cabbages
08-06-2012 22:11
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Qblock87 Offline
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Joined: Jun 2012
Post: #37
RE: Joke Corner
How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to change a lightbulb?To get to the other side.
08-06-2012 22:12
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westlancsunsocialclub
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Post: #38
RE: Joke Corner
Whats white and lives at the bottom of a tree?

A dead fridge
08-06-2012 22:14
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Qblock87 Offline
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Joined: Jun 2012
Post: #39
RE: Joke Corner
Interesting Human Body Facts- The largest cell in the human body is the female egg, and the smallest is the male sperm.- A full bladder is roughly the size of a soft ball (a bit bigger than a cricket ball).- It takes food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.- The attachment of human muscles to skin is what causes dimples.- The average man's penis is three times the length of his thumb.- A woman's heart beats faster than a man's.- If the average male never shaved, his beard would be 13 feet long when he died.- Men with hairless chests are more likely to get cirrhosis of the liver than men with hair.- There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.- Side by side, 2000 cells from the human body could cover about one square inch.- Women blink twice as much as men.- The average person's skin weighs twice as much as their brain.- When you are looking at someone you love, your pupils dilate...they do the same when you are looking at someone you hate!- Your ears secrete more earwax when you are afraid than when you aren't.- Your body uses 300 muscles to balance itself when you are standing still.- If saliva cannot dissolve something, you cannot taste it.- The average woman is 5 inches shorter than the average man.*** You looked at your thumb... Didn't you?
A G N B:That's bang out of order.
(This post was last modified: 08-06-2012 22:19 by Qblock87.)
08-06-2012 22:16
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westlancsunsocialclub
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Post: #40
RE: Joke Corner
Err Yes actually

Whats Blue and white and lives at the bottom of a tree?

A Dead fridge wearing a Denim Jacket.
08-06-2012 22:22
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Qblock87 Offline
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Posts: 22,420
Joined: Jun 2012
Post: #41
RE: Joke Corner
Boy: "Do you want to play the fire engine game?"Girl: "How do you play that?"Boy: "My fingers are the fire engine and I drive up your legs. You say 'Red light!' when you want me to stop."Girl: "Okay, let's play."After a few seconds...Girl: "Red light!"Boy: "Fire engines don't stop for red lights."
08-06-2012 22:22
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bfcshorty Offline
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Posts: 440
Joined: Mar 2012
Post: #42
RE: Joke Corner
two irish men looking through a catalogue, paddy say's look at those gorgeous women, the prices are reasonable too, mick agrees, i am ordering one of those now, 3 weeks later paddy says has your woman turned up yet, no said mick, but it shouldnt be long now, her clothes have arrived
08-06-2012 22:23
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Qblock87 Offline
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Posts: 22,420
Joined: Jun 2012
Post: #43
RE: Joke Corner
Husband and wife...BEFORE MARRIAGE:Husband - Aaah! ...At last! I can hardly wait!Wife - Do you want me to leave?Husband - No! Don't even think about it.Wife - Do you love me?Husband - Of course! Always have and always will!Wife - Have you ever cheated on me?Husband - No! Why are you even asking?Wife - Will you kiss me?Husband - Every chance I get!Wife - Will you hit me?Husband - Hell no! Are you crazy?!Wife - Can I trust you?Husband - Yes.Wife - Darling!AFTER MARRIAGE: read from bottom to top.
08-06-2012 22:23
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Qblock87 Offline
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Posts: 22,420
Joined: Jun 2012
Post: #44
RE: Joke Corner
Rob Green has trained today and in 3 hours he had 4,000 shots fired at him and did not concede a single goal. Tomorrow, he and Andy Carroll will train with the rest of the squad.
09-06-2012 09:35
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Qblock87 Offline
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Posts: 22,420
Joined: Jun 2012
Post: #45
RE: Joke Corner
Like my old granddad used to say ..... Fuck off and get you own werthers originals you greedy bastard I'm a pensioner and can not afford to hand them out willy nilly    
10-06-2012 10:47
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