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Joke Corner
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GynnSquarePhoenix Offline
Moderator

Posts: 17,731
Joined: Mar 2012
Post: #1426
RE: Joke Corner
I asked my daughter if she’d seen my newspaper?

She said they're old school and handed me her iPad...

That fly didn’t stand a chance!
11-11-2017 15:38
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Bally Offline
1 = 20

Posts: 21,825
Joined: Mar 2012
Post: #1427
RE: Joke Corner
Just watched a very good Michael Barrymore documentary
"Only Pools and Corpses"
20-11-2017 07:34
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Bally Offline
1 = 20

Posts: 21,825
Joined: Mar 2012
Post: #1428
RE: Joke Corner
What's the difference between Snow White and Celtic?

Snow White had the excuse of being asleep when she let seven in.
23-11-2017 17:28
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GynnSquarePhoenix Offline
Moderator

Posts: 17,731
Joined: Mar 2012
Post: #1429
RE: Joke Corner
Everton chairman Bill Kenwright to take over Brexit negotiations after showing it’s possible to spend £135m and exit Europe within three months.
24-11-2017 23:28
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Qblock87 Offline
69

Posts: 23,429
Joined: Jun 2012
Post: #1430
RE: Joke Corner
(24-11-2017 23:28)GynnSquarePhoenix Wrote:  Everton chairman Bill Kenwright to take over Brexit negotiations after showing it’s possible to spend £135m and exit Europe within three months.

Right back at you Bally for dissing the Bhoys
Fingersmily
25-11-2017 00:04
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Magic147 Offline
Not a penny more

Posts: 17,927
Joined: Sep 2012
Post: #1431
RE: Joke Corner
I was telling my doctor earlier how my tennis elbow was really hurting.

She said "how many years have you had it for?"

I said "15, love"
27-11-2017 22:38
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Qblock87 Offline
69

Posts: 23,429
Joined: Jun 2012
Post: #1432
RE: Joke Corner
(27-11-2017 22:38)Magic147 Wrote:  I was telling my doctor earlier how my tennis elbow was really hurting.

She said "how many years have you had it for?"

I said "15, love"
Is that the best you can serve up?
27-11-2017 22:58
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Magic147 Offline
Not a penny more

Posts: 17,927
Joined: Sep 2012
Post: #1433
RE: Joke Corner
(27-11-2017 22:58)Qblock87 Wrote:  Is that the best you can serve up?

It's not my fault.
27-11-2017 23:02
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daib0 Offline
Interforum Gamemaster!

Posts: 5,544
Joined: Mar 2012
Post: #1434
RE: Joke Corner
(27-11-2017 22:38)Magic147 Wrote:  I was telling my doctor earlier how my tennis elbow was really hurting.

She said "how many years have you had it for?"

I said "15, love"

BiggrinClap
28-11-2017 13:16
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Bally Offline
1 = 20

Posts: 21,825
Joined: Mar 2012
Post: #1435
RE: Joke Corner
12 of the finest (unintentional) double-entendres ever aired on
British TV and radio:
1 Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator - 'This is really a lovely
horse. I once rode her mother.'
2. New Zealand Rugby Commentator - 'Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl Gibson comes inside of him.'
3. Pat Glenn, weightlifting commentator - 'And this is Gregoriava from
Bulgaria . I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing!'
4. Harry Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge boat race 1977 - 'Ah, isn't
that nice. The wife of the Cambridge President is kissing the Cox of
the Oxford crew.'
5. US PGA Commentator - 'One of the reasons Arnie (Arnold Palmer) is playing so well is that, before each tee shot, his wife takes out his
balls and kisses them. Oh my god !! What have I just said??'
6. Carenza Lewis about finding food in the Middle Ages on 'Time Team
Live' said: 'You'd eat beaver if you could get it.'
7. A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have
snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked, 'So Bob,
where's that eight inches you promised me last night?' Not only did HE
have to leave the set, but half the crew did too, because they were
laughing so hard!
8. Steve Ryder covering the US Masters: 'Ballesteros felt much better
today after a 69 yesterday.'
9. Clair Frisby talking about a jumbo hot dog on 'Look North' said:
'There's nothing like a big hot sausage inside you on a cold night
like this. '
10 Mike Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on 'Sky Sports':
'Stephen Hendry jumps on Steve Davis's misses every chance he gets.'
11. Michael Buerk on watching Philippa Forrester cuddle up to a male
astronomer for warmth during BBC1's UK eclipse coverage remarked:
'They seem cold out there. They're rubbing each other and he's only
come in his shorts.'
12.. Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie Fanny Sunneson lining-up shots at the Scottish Open: 'Some weeks Nick likes to use Fanny; other weeks he prefers to do it by himself.
28-11-2017 17:20
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Bally Offline
1 = 20

Posts: 21,825
Joined: Mar 2012
Post: #1436
RE: Joke Corner
Prince Harry says he doesn’t want the traditional fruit cake at his wedding.
Prince Phillip says he doesn't give a fuck, he's still going!
28-11-2017 17:47
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daib0 Offline
Interforum Gamemaster!

Posts: 5,544
Joined: Mar 2012
Post: #1437
RE: Joke Corner
I bought a Bonnie Tyler SatNav, it's rubbish ... don't fall for it - it just keeps telling me to turn around, and every now and then it falls apart.
29-11-2017 00:27
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Brian Mcculloch Glasgow Offline
Registered User

Posts: 19
Joined: Nov 2017
Post: #1438
RE: Joke Corner
The owner asks the clerk, "What's with that guy over there by the wall?" The clerk says, "Well, he came in here this morning to get something for his cough. I couldn't find the cough syrup, so I gave him an entire bottle of laxative."

"You idiot! You can't treat a cough with laxatives!"
"Oh yeah? Look at him, he's afraid to cough!"
29-11-2017 07:51
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TheSuffolkSeasider Offline
Ipswich Exile

Posts: 3,694
Joined: Jul 2015
Post: #1439
RE: Joke Corner
Ordered 4 Kindles from Amazon and they sent me a Two Ronnie's DVD.
01-12-2017 16:48
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Leesthedaddy Offline
Registered User

Posts: 2,575
Joined: Jan 2014
Post: #1440
RE: Joke Corner
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01-12-2017 17:33
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