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Joke Corner
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Leesthedaddy Offline
Registered User

Posts: 2,543
Joined: Jan 2014
Post: #1651
RE: Joke Corner
Two women are chatting in an office.

Woman 1: "I had sex last night, did you?"

Woman 2: "Yes."

Woman 1: "Was it good?"

Woman 2: "No, it was a disaster... my husband came home, ate his dinner in three minutes, got on top of me, finished having sex in five minutes, rolled over and fell asleep in two minutes. How was yours?"

Woman 1: "Oh it was amazing! My husband came home and took me out to a romantic dinner. After dinner we walked for an hour.When we came home he lit the candles around the house and we had an hour of foreplay. We then had an hour long session of fantastic sex and afterwards talked for an hour. It was like a fairytale!"

At the same time, their husbands are talking at work.

Husband 1: "You wanted sex last night, how was it?"

Husband 2: "Great. I came home, dinner was on the table, I ate, had sex with my wife and fell asleep. It was great! What about you?"

Husband 1: "It was horrible. I came home,there's no dinner because they cut the electricity because I hadn't paid the bill; so I had to take my wife out to dinner which was so expensive that I didn't have money left for a cab. We had to walk home which took an hour - and when we got home I remembered there was no electricity so I had to light candles all over the house! I was so angry that I couldn't get it up for an hour and then I couldn't climax for another hour. After I finally did, I was so aggravated that I couldn't fall asleep and my wife was jabbering away for another hour!"
15-07-2018 16:30
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TheSuffolkSeasider Offline
Ipswich Exile

Posts: 3,564
Joined: Jul 2015
Post: #1652
RE: Joke Corner
I was in the aiport and saw Rolf Harris queueing for a flight to Orlando.

"Off to Disney Land, Rolf?" I asked.

"No," he replied, "I'm off to Tampa, with the kids"
15-07-2018 16:32
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Leesthedaddy Offline
Registered User

Posts: 2,543
Joined: Jan 2014
Post: #1653
RE: Joke Corner
Shame,
I grew up loving Rolf Harris, Tony Heart, Paul Daniels, David Attenborough,
It’s fucked up isn’t it.
15-07-2018 17:27
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Bally Offline
1 = 20

Posts: 21,748
Joined: Mar 2012
Post: #1654
RE: Joke Corner
(15-07-2018 17:27)Leesthedaddy Wrote:  Shame,
I grew up loving Rolf Harris, Tony Heart, Paul Daniels, David Attenborough,
It’s fucked up isn’t it.

Did you liuke Jimmy Saville as well
15-07-2018 19:18
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Qblock87 Offline
69

Posts: 23,330
Joined: Jun 2012
Post: #1655
RE: Joke Corner
(15-07-2018 19:18)Bally Wrote:  Did you liuke Jimmy Saville as well

I heard he liked jumping around on that weather map in the dock at Liverpool with Fred.
15-07-2018 19:30
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Bally Offline
1 = 20

Posts: 21,748
Joined: Mar 2012
Post: #1656
RE: Joke Corner
Ha Ha. I remember when the queg fell in.

Then there was the time when the thin one from Richard and Judy got nicked for shoplifting and the kids were waving Tesco bags outside the studio window. Fucking brilliant
(This post was last modified: 15-07-2018 19:41 by Bally.)
15-07-2018 19:38
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Leesthedaddy Offline
Registered User

Posts: 2,543
Joined: Jan 2014
Post: #1657
RE: Joke Corner
(15-07-2018 19:18)Bally Wrote:  Did you liuke Jimmy Saville as well

I did mate, yes, it’s cheep & easy to criticise now claiming that you knew all along. Fred the Weather man.

The world is fucked.
15-07-2018 22:37
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Qblock87 Offline
69

Posts: 23,330
Joined: Jun 2012
Post: #1658
RE: Joke Corner
(15-07-2018 22:37)Leesthedaddy Wrote:  I did mate, yes, it’s cheep & easy to criticise now claiming that you knew all along. Fred the Weather man.

The world is fucked.

And so were you. Often by the sounds of it Laugh
15-07-2018 22:50
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daib0 Offline
Interforum Gamemaster!

Posts: 5,490
Joined: Mar 2012
Post: #1659
RE: Joke Corner
Wimbledon...

The time of year blind people think porn is being shown on daytime TV.
17-07-2018 08:32
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GynnSquarePhoenix Offline
Moderator

Posts: 17,649
Joined: Mar 2012
Post: #1660
RE: Joke Corner
This bloke said to me:

‘I’m going to attack you with the neck of a guitar’

I said, ‘Is that a fret?’
17-07-2018 17:22
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Bally Offline
1 = 20

Posts: 21,748
Joined: Mar 2012
Post: #1661
RE: Joke Corner
One for daib0
17-07-2018 19:16
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daib0 Offline
Interforum Gamemaster!

Posts: 5,490
Joined: Mar 2012
Post: #1662
RE: Joke Corner
(17-07-2018 17:22)GynnSquarePhoenix Wrote:  This bloke said to me:

‘I’m going to attack you with the neck of a guitar’

I said, ‘Is that a fret?’


Haha....
19-07-2018 11:37
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GynnSquarePhoenix Offline
Moderator

Posts: 17,649
Joined: Mar 2012
Post: #1663
RE: Joke Corner
"Mummy, where do babies come from?"

"Well, daddies make sperm and put it inside mummies."

"Do mummies eat it?"

"Only if they want new shoes"
19-07-2018 13:51
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