RE: Joke Corner
A burglary was recently committed at West Ham's ground, and the entire contents of the trophy room were stolen. The London police are looking for a man with a claret & blue carpet !!!!!!
(this a bit out-of-date, but still funny!)
Fabio Capello is in a supermarket, and when he heads out of the check-out he sees an old lady struggling with a trolley.
“Can you manage, dear?” he kindly tries to ask her.
“Look here” she shouts “You got us into this mess – YOU get us out of it!”
At a local derby between Arsenal and Spurs last season, a spectator. suddenly found himself in the thick of dozens of flying bottles.
'There's nothing to worry about, lad,' said the elderly chap standing next to him. 'It's like the bombs during the war. You won't get hit unless the bottle's got your name on it.'
'That's just what I'm worried about,' said the fan. 'My name's Johnny Walker'
I've lost my dad -
A small boy was crying his eyes out at a football match. Seeing his plight, a policeman came up to him and asked what the problem was.
"I've lost my dad," cried the boy. "What's he like?" asked the policeman.
"Beer, fags and women," said the boy.
Where did you get that football? -
Two boys were playing with a new football in the road outside their house.
"Hey,"' shouted their mother, "where did you get that football?"
"We found it," replied one of the boys.
"Are you sure it was lost?" asked the mother.
"Yes," replied the boy, "we saw some people looking for it."'
My wife should be a goalie -
"My wife would make a great goalie," one man said to his friend.
"I haven't scored for months."!!
Someone asked me the other day, what time do Millwall kick off?
About every ten minutes I replied (love it!!)
How do you confuse Man Utd. supporters?
Ask them the way to Manchester.
It has been announced that British Summer Time will from now on be phased in. Instead of adding a whole hour in one go, five minutes will be added to Man Utd games where they need a late goal!!
This bloke came up to me and said can you coach a football team in Sheffield
I said I cant manage Wednesdays ...
Two peanuts went to a bar in Millwall
One was a salted
SWINDON TOWN ARE MAGIC!
WATCH THEM DISAPPEAR FROM THE SECOND DIVISION!
DUMBARTON SHOULD SIGN HIM FOR GOAL!
A reporter is walking through the park in liverpool when he see's a dog attack two kids playing football. He runs over as one kid uses a stick to get the dog off his mate.
"that's so brave son, I can see the headline now - Liverpool fan saves friend from killer dog".
"sorry" the kid replies, "I don't support Liverpool."
"young toffee saves pal?
"I'm not an everton fan either, I actually support Man U" he exclaims.
"Manc yob kills beloved family pet" he scribes as he walks away
With Man City crashing out of the Champions League,FA Cup and now the Carling Cup, I wonder if Mancini will quit. I don't think so. I mean, it's not like an Italian to abandon a sinking ship ...
Fernando Torres walks into a bar and says, "I'll have a couple of shots please."
The barman says, "That's not like you lately."
Why wouldn't you let a Villa player take your dog for a walk
They can't hold on to a lead..
Wayne Rooney lost fifty quid at the bookies the other day, betting that Frank Lampard would miss with a penalty.
He then lost another fifty quid betting on the TV replay.
Harry Redknapp has ruled himself out of the England job saying it was 'Too taxing.'
Someone decided to mount a takeover at Portsmouth after winning last weeks lottery........He had 3 numbers!
(This post was last modified: 29-03-2012 10:56 by daib0.)